Watch Out for the Exterminator, Spidey!


“Ahh. Ugly. Well, yes. That’d be spiders. Any and all. Exterminate those ugly bastards.”

An angry friend of mine slipped this into my hearing range while I was asking a group of people the famous “what is something you think is ugly and why?” So. Spiders, huh. Really? Spiders? Couldn’t you have picked something less…repulsive? It’s easy for me to disprove things like garage doors and old people, but spiders? This is going to be a tough one.

Ok. The spider. Um… hairy, creepy, all around freaky- ARGH! Ok get over it already! Spiders rock. They help the environment! Spiders eat lots of other insects like fruit flies and that would otherwise overrun us. They also have really nice legs. Eight of them. And nice long pincers…

Spiders do make really nice webs, I’ll give them that. Once, on a hike in Salt Point CA, I came across a spider’s web early in the morning. It was reflecting the morning light in a way that only a spider ‘s web can. Even unpleasant things can make beautiful ones. Almost like Eric Clapton and his music. He’s definitely not anywhere near my favorite person, but man do I love the Yardbirds.


I guess spiders can be cool. They’re pretty dark. I bet if God, or Evolution, or The Creator or whatever you want to call it, had a side-kick, it would have been Tim Burton and he would have invented spiders. Take Spiderman, he’s pretty cool. A kid gets bitten by a spider and then feels the overwhelming need to save New York by suiting up in red tights and shooting silly string our of his wrist. I guess it’s better than a grown man slapping on some hockey pads and a spray painted cape and pretending to be Batman. (there can only be one)

When I was a kid the only TV show I could ever watch was Steve Irwin’s Crocodile Diaries. I wanted to be on his crew that went around wrestling crocs and dancing with snakes. But the one thing I could never do like Steve was grab a giant, hairy tarantula and hold it in my hand while I played with its fangs. Steve was fearless. He had the highest respects for anything and everything that moved. So, in memory of Steve Irwin, the first huge influence on my small life, I will try to learn to appreciate spiders. (I almost said ‘learn to love spiders’ but I doubt that day will ever come. Sorry, Steve.)

Don’t forget the glitter- iamtheseventies.


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