Attack of the Molds! (Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You)


“Ugly? Oh, um… Mold. Yeah it’s gross and is like death.”

Aha. Just a precursor of what’s to come, my dear readers. Mold grows on things that are decaying and is nature’s way of saying “Hey! Missed your chance to eat me! Time to throw me out now.” But how can we make this ugly, smelly expiration date into pure beauty?


This week (and mostly next) are going to be big in my blog world. We’re going to really dig deep into beauty and where to find it. But more of that to come. First up to bat: Mold. So it’s pretty gross, right? A fungi with innumerable amounts of relatives, found everywhere from your backyard to your attic to your refrigerator. That’s a scary thought. If you are looking for the plot of your next horror film, I’ve just fed it to you on a silver spoon. Mold can cause serious lung problems, not to mention GROWING inside of you. Yes, it’s true. Some people with severe reactions to mold and other fungi are at risk for developing mold in their lungs. That not only sounds ugly, but makes me nervous.


Now hold on a minute, just because mold can be found just about anywhere in the fongging world, I’m not saying that y’all should never do anything anywhere ever again. First off, that would be impossible, considering mold is just as likely to be found in your house as in your favorite flower shop, so don’t even try it. Second, just because it’s out there doesn’t mean we should be afraid. Sure, we should take preventative actions to stop mold from growing in our homes, but we can’t eliminate mold from the entire planet Earth.


Yeah, I wouldn't take a dump here if I were you...

Yeah, I wouldn’t take a dump here if I were you…

The world is full of potentially dangerous matter. And there’s no way in hell we can possibly protect ourselves and our loved ones from all, if any, of it. The best we can do is watch our step and sometimes take things with a grain of salt. I don’t think we are going to live longer if we wrap ourselves up in bubble wrap and breath through a gas mask for the rest of our lives. We as a population need to accept danger. We need to say, “Yes, there are things out there that can kill me in under a minute. And yes, there are things out there that could have been killing me my entire life. But it’s ok.” The world is a very dangerous place. But hiding in our basements (where mold is mostly likely to grow, mind you) and cowering in fear, waiting for the day that something kills you is not the way to survive. We need to educate ourselves and our up and coming generations. We just need to get street smart, people. Living is the only way we learn how to die. And that’s ok. That’s fine.


So how is mold beautiful? Well, as dangerous as it can be, it reminds us that even in the 21st century there are still things out there that have been around since the beginning of life that have the power to end us. Mold, like death, is nature’s expiration date. It says “Time to go, move on to the next place.” Mold is beautiful because it reminds us that life is only beautiful because of death. We’re so worried about staying alive because we know that eventfully, we will in fact die. And at MY funeral-

Don’t forget the glitter. iamtheseventies.


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